Merlin's Apprentice: A Love Story

H: So here's what happens: every so often, Adrienne and I hang out with a mutual friend, Emily. And for some reason, when it's the three of us ... we always end up having this enormous nerdfest. Why do you think that is?

A: Well, let's think of the things that we have in common: Emily and I frequently played Lord of the Rings: Trivial Pursuit last year. You also like Lord of the Rings. Emily and I also get hooked on really lame things ... and poorly made things ... like "Vampire Diaries" and "Glee." Therefore, when we saw my other housemate had a made-for-TV-movie on our shelf, we knew it was love.

H: For me, the draw came from ... the above picture, featured on the back of the DVD case. Just the incredibly intense focus on Merlin's face, as he is clearly manipulating the very matter around him. Meanwhile "Jack," aka "Merlin's Apprentice," on the left looks more like he's doing his best Luke Skywalker impression—

A: Which is convenient since they share a similar fate...that guy's his dad!!!

H: Yeah, so we might as well say that this post has a few minor spoilers. But please, don't let that scare you away ... this isn't going to be getting any two thumbs up any time soon.

A: Also, be assured that you wouldn't watch this movie for its plot anyway. You'd watch it to laugh and quote it for weeks. Years!

H: I almost don't know where to begin.

A: Just the beginning, when Jack is introduced. When that pig pops out of nowhere and Jack's like, "Oh, Pig, are you following me?"

H: Take it completely seriously, though. Because that Pig plays a huge, huge role later on. Wow.

A: You just got introduced to one of the characters ... that helps Jack get to the Land of the Dead.

H: Not to mention providing one of the all-time weirdest innuendos I've ever heard onscreen.

A: Which was also the last line of the entire 3-hour movie. ALAS! Then, after watching hours of bad wizards (and by bad, I don't mean evil) we thought we'd counteract that by spending some time with our favorite wizard, Gandalf, and his friends.

H: I feel like I don't have much to say about the game, except that it's good to know that my geeky middle school years are being put to good use—

A: Or that it's the best game ever and narrated by Gollum.

H: True. So all this to say, we hugely recommend that you pick up "Merlin's Apprentice" at your nearest Wal-Mart $5.00 bin, and watch it with your friends. Just for the laughs.

A: And following that, play Lord of the Rings Trivial Pursuit. It'll be a night to remember.

Raise Your Knee!

H: "9." What did you think, in one sentence?

A: It was like watching a 1 hour and 20 minute video game.

H: Agreed. I felt like we would see a little vignette introducing a character or plot material and then there would be some action, and then another little vignette, and then another machine to fight, etc. All through the movie. I mean, it looked amazing and I really enjoyed it ... up until like the last fifteen minutes.

A: Yeah, we can't really say since the movie did just come out, and you know how we hate it when people ruin endings. (Dumbledore died) But it just didn't make sense.

H: High points and low points: I really loved the characters, especially the Twins and 6. Low point—really unsatisfying ending. Not necessarily badly done, just not what I wanted.

A: In a way though, it was poorly done. The ending, I mean. The movie was great, I remember thinking while watching it that I was thoroughly enjoying myself. But why only an hour and twenty minutes? It would've been a great film if they had just made it longer so they could develop plot and characters more. And by characters, I mean Elijah Wood, who plays 9.

H: And by Elijah Wood, you mean Adrienne's Biggest Celebrity Love/Consistent Fallback Halloween Costume. Picture please?

A: One day, he's going to see this and realize we were meant to be. Okay, seriously, this was my first celebrity crush. How nerdy am I not to realize there were attractive actors in the world until Elijah Wood starred as Frodo Baggins. Did I even give Orlando Bloom a second thought? No.

H: Well, that's because Legolas was super girly and wore those sparkly pajamas in Lothlorien. Not that Frodo Baggins is the epitome of masculinity.

A: Oh, he is. Did you ever see him in Flipper? Saving his town and the dolphins while still getting the girl. Or what about that time he saved the planet from a meteor hitting the earth in Deep Impact? Yes, I did rent every movie he was ever in and watch them after LOTR came out.

H: See, I just feel like Lord of the Rings was the high point in his career, and now all he does is animated stuff. And regardless, he will always be "the guy from Lord of the Rings" now, because the entire time I was watching 9, I was thinking how it reminded me of LotR. But it was really just Elijah Wood's hobbity yelps for help.

A: I didn't realize we were writing a new Dr. Seuss book, Hannah. Anyway, I agree. Except, he will also be known for his Dancey Dance viral video. I love how on Jimmy Fallon the other night, the Roots didn't play The Lord of the Rings theme, but the song "raise your knee, raise your other knee..." from Yo Gabba Gabba.

H: Well played, Jimmy Fallon. And well received, Elijah Wood. And well done, Adrienne-reverting-instantly-back-into-preteen-girly-mode. You learn something every day.

A: Speaking of preteen-girly-mode, we're going to stay up late watching another cliche but lesser known movie about being popular in high school: Charlie Bartlett.

H: Starring another skinny, pale, blue-eyed kid we love: Anton Yelchin. Stay tuned.