"Flashforward" vs. "V" NO CONTEST

H: At what moment did you know, for sure, that Flash Forward had jumped the shark?

A: It was the Halloween episode, when everyone completely overreacted about Commodore Norrington being at the house. The house where, in "the future" he would be chillin' on the couch with his new lover, aka, Mark Benford's wife!

H: The Halloween episode pushed me over the edge too, except for me it was the combination of "a Halloween costume episode, seriously?!" and the weird way they use music at the worst times. Every time the FBI guys pull out weapons, it's like OMGYoutube!Fanvid!!!1!

A: Agreed. Also, that weird Blue Hand torturing place? What?! That was so dumb. Why, if you know you're going to die, would you ever go to a club and get tortured? Haven't the writers ever been asked "If you were given one year to live, what would you do?" Clearly no one would say "Join a club with all the other people who have been diagnosed the same way and torture each other." They would go skydiving or swim with dolphins or something. Geeze.

H: If you were given a year to live, what WOULD you do? Besides a re-do of our Fall Fest weekend.

A: Hmmm, I've actually got to. think about this. I think I would go and visit m I knew. No (I HATE yoUR KEYBOARD!!!!!!!) I would visit everyone I knew. No matter where they live. And then I would go home and spend the rest of the time with my family. That, or become a motivational speaker.

H: So you would go find, like, kids from your third grade class? That's how you would spend your time?

A: Oh PUHlease. Just family and friends. What about you?

H: I would take one week of just writing letters and drinking sugary coffee. And then I would blow all my money on a crazy vacation with family and friends. And right before I knew I was going to die, I would yell something like, "And if I'm wrong, then may God strike me dead!!" just to freak everyone out.

A: Epic, man. I totally sound like a stoner. Speaking of which, let's return to Flash Forward vs. V.

H: Here's the nail in the Flash Forward coffin, and I know you'll agree: Dominic Monaghan. I never thought I'd say that; I love the guy. But he is the embodiment of my biggest problem with the show: super cliche. I feel like the writers are just assigning all their favorite movies to each episode. We had a chase through a doll factory. A trip to Germany to talk to a Nazi. And now they want to settle their problems with, what else, a poker game?!?

A: We're assuming that in the next episode, they will either be trying to find someone in a club where lights are flashing and people are dancing and they have to weave through crowds of people, OR crawling through ventilation shafts. And I was going to say a car chase scene, but that happened in the first episode.

H: Also, a scene where a psychopath has hidden bombs all over the city and Mark has to use scraps from his all-encompassing flash forward to find them.

A: Speaking of things being hidden all over a city ... V has me thinking everyone is an alien.

H: I know. I really wasn't expecting to like the show, but I'm intrigued. Great characters.

A: Which is the first thing we said we didn't like about Flash Forward: the characters. I still couldn't care less about them and we just had to Google Mark's name to find out what it was for this post. He's the main character. Meanwhile, by the end of the pilot, I was pretty invested in the V cast. (Not the phone!)

H: I'm also just a sap for anything with Alan Tudyk.

A: Yeah, what a great actor. I first noticed him in A Knight's Tale as a great side character—

H: With great hair.

A: And then again in the TV series Firefly. By his placement in the first episode of V, we're hoping he'll be a main character instead of his usual side role.

H: Yes, just waiting for the Firefly/V crossover fan art to start popping up.

A: You should start that off.

H: You know I can't use photoshop—

A: Audience at home, this is the conversation that really just took place:

A: We could talk about Anna being in Firefly.

H: What? Who is she?

A: She's Inara.

H: ("LOST moment" face)

H: I COMPLETELY didn't recognize her. Wow. I can't believe I didn't see that. I guess she has short hair, and I had just portioned 100 percent of my TV-crossover-alert attention on the whole Wash/Juliet thing.

A: To wrap things up, I actually look forward to watching V in the future and finding out who the aliens are, which ones are good and bad, and how a priest is going to end up dating the main-character-girl.

H: Aaaaaand we don't know anyone's names on this show either. We're going to have to work on that.

Merlin's Apprentice: A Love Story

H: So here's what happens: every so often, Adrienne and I hang out with a mutual friend, Emily. And for some reason, when it's the three of us ... we always end up having this enormous nerdfest. Why do you think that is?

A: Well, let's think of the things that we have in common: Emily and I frequently played Lord of the Rings: Trivial Pursuit last year. You also like Lord of the Rings. Emily and I also get hooked on really lame things ... and poorly made things ... like "Vampire Diaries" and "Glee." Therefore, when we saw my other housemate had a made-for-TV-movie on our shelf, we knew it was love.

H: For me, the draw came from ... the above picture, featured on the back of the DVD case. Just the incredibly intense focus on Merlin's face, as he is clearly manipulating the very matter around him. Meanwhile "Jack," aka "Merlin's Apprentice," on the left looks more like he's doing his best Luke Skywalker impression—

A: Which is convenient since they share a similar fate...that guy's his dad!!!

H: Yeah, so we might as well say that this post has a few minor spoilers. But please, don't let that scare you away ... this isn't going to be getting any two thumbs up any time soon.

A: Also, be assured that you wouldn't watch this movie for its plot anyway. You'd watch it to laugh and quote it for weeks. Years!

H: I almost don't know where to begin.

A: Just the beginning, when Jack is introduced. When that pig pops out of nowhere and Jack's like, "Oh, Pig, are you following me?"

H: Take it completely seriously, though. Because that Pig plays a huge, huge role later on. Wow.

A: You just got introduced to one of the characters ... that helps Jack get to the Land of the Dead.

H: Not to mention providing one of the all-time weirdest innuendos I've ever heard onscreen.

A: Which was also the last line of the entire 3-hour movie. ALAS! Then, after watching hours of bad wizards (and by bad, I don't mean evil) we thought we'd counteract that by spending some time with our favorite wizard, Gandalf, and his friends.

H: I feel like I don't have much to say about the game, except that it's good to know that my geeky middle school years are being put to good use—

A: Or that it's the best game ever and narrated by Gollum.

H: True. So all this to say, we hugely recommend that you pick up "Merlin's Apprentice" at your nearest Wal-Mart $5.00 bin, and watch it with your friends. Just for the laughs.

A: And following that, play Lord of the Rings Trivial Pursuit. It'll be a night to remember.

Raise Your Knee!

H: "9." What did you think, in one sentence?

A: It was like watching a 1 hour and 20 minute video game.

H: Agreed. I felt like we would see a little vignette introducing a character or plot material and then there would be some action, and then another little vignette, and then another machine to fight, etc. All through the movie. I mean, it looked amazing and I really enjoyed it ... up until like the last fifteen minutes.

A: Yeah, we can't really say since the movie did just come out, and you know how we hate it when people ruin endings. (Dumbledore died) But it just didn't make sense.

H: High points and low points: I really loved the characters, especially the Twins and 6. Low point—really unsatisfying ending. Not necessarily badly done, just not what I wanted.

A: In a way though, it was poorly done. The ending, I mean. The movie was great, I remember thinking while watching it that I was thoroughly enjoying myself. But why only an hour and twenty minutes? It would've been a great film if they had just made it longer so they could develop plot and characters more. And by characters, I mean Elijah Wood, who plays 9.

H: And by Elijah Wood, you mean Adrienne's Biggest Celebrity Love/Consistent Fallback Halloween Costume. Picture please?

A: One day, he's going to see this and realize we were meant to be. Okay, seriously, this was my first celebrity crush. How nerdy am I not to realize there were attractive actors in the world until Elijah Wood starred as Frodo Baggins. Did I even give Orlando Bloom a second thought? No.

H: Well, that's because Legolas was super girly and wore those sparkly pajamas in Lothlorien. Not that Frodo Baggins is the epitome of masculinity.

A: Oh, he is. Did you ever see him in Flipper? Saving his town and the dolphins while still getting the girl. Or what about that time he saved the planet from a meteor hitting the earth in Deep Impact? Yes, I did rent every movie he was ever in and watch them after LOTR came out.

H: See, I just feel like Lord of the Rings was the high point in his career, and now all he does is animated stuff. And regardless, he will always be "the guy from Lord of the Rings" now, because the entire time I was watching 9, I was thinking how it reminded me of LotR. But it was really just Elijah Wood's hobbity yelps for help.

A: I didn't realize we were writing a new Dr. Seuss book, Hannah. Anyway, I agree. Except, he will also be known for his Dancey Dance viral video. I love how on Jimmy Fallon the other night, the Roots didn't play The Lord of the Rings theme, but the song "raise your knee, raise your other knee..." from Yo Gabba Gabba.

H: Well played, Jimmy Fallon. And well received, Elijah Wood. And well done, Adrienne-reverting-instantly-back-into-preteen-girly-mode. You learn something every day.

A: Speaking of preteen-girly-mode, we're going to stay up late watching another cliche but lesser known movie about being popular in high school: Charlie Bartlett.

H: Starring another skinny, pale, blue-eyed kid we love: Anton Yelchin. Stay tuned.